20 Warning Signs You’re a Backpacker Douchebag

Douchebag

By Manita Dosanjh

Backpacking can be a great way to discover new things, self-reflect, and make new friends. That is, if you don’t suffer from chronic douchebag syndrome…

I know that we’ve all been guilty of a little travel snobbery, but there are some people who just take their travel misbehaving a little too far. You know who I mean (and if you’re suddenly feeling guilty, you know who you are), the person who is too loud/too obnoxious/too punchable and just ruins it for everyone.

Here are 20 ways to become the ultimate backpacker douchebag. Are you guilty of backpacker’s douchebaggery? If you’ve done any of the following, I hate to break it to you…

#1 douchebag

1. Despite several complaints in the past, snoring is not your problem. If people in your dorm don’t like it, they can move.

2. Days of hiking or trekking can get messy. Take as long as you like in the shared bathroom, you made it through the jungle, you deserve it.

3. If people have left their products in the shower, it means they want you to use them so go ahead!

Drunk douchebag

4. Everyone back home will just die if you don’t spend hours uploading pictures, so you take as long as you need on that computer.

5. By the way, it’s perfectly reasonable to feel angry and entitled when every single one of those pictures doesn’t get a comment. Do people not get how amazing your life is right now?

6. Everyone in the hostel is just desperate to talk to you, and why wouldn’t they be? Your trip has been the most awesome. You can’t speak to everyone at once so make sure you’re extra loud in the common room – that way, everyone can hear your stories.

7. A great way to let people know what a seasoned traveller you are is to say things like: “I’m not bragging, just pointing out that I’ve been around the block a few times.”

8. The 12 hour night-bus journey is the perfect place to practise guitar.

Playing Guitar

9. A great way to get lucky is to hang a sheet around your very creaky bunk bed.

10. Another great way to get lucky is to get drunk and hit on people when they’re trying to sleep.

11. Another great way to get lucky is to tell everyone about your mild case of genital herpes because, you know, you’re just too ‘free’ to practise safe sex.

12. Incidentally, if you do use protection, be sure to leave it lying around afterwards for the hostel workers to find.

13. Wearing indigenous clothes (even when indigenous people don’t wear them) makes you look cool. Always wear them.

14. Mundane tweets and Facebook updates are instantly made interesting by the fact that you’re travelling. Be sure to let everyone know what you had for breakfast/what colour your daily deposit is.

15. Same goes for selfies – upload them all the time, people will love it!

Selfie

16. When you’re at a famous landmark, ask everyone nearby to take a picture of you in front of it, but do not, under any circumstances, return the favour.

17. If a local doesn’t speak English, it probably means they have learning difficulties and/or hearing problems so be sure to speak very loud and very slow.

18. You might also want to try learning one word of the local language and just shouting it at every local person you meet – they’ll be really impressed and thankful to you for making such an effort.

19. Complain about how stressful it is to be flying to so many different countries in a short space of time.adios douchebag

20. If somebody asks you a question about yourself, begin with the phrase “Funny story…” and then go into a long tangent about the time you got held at gunpoint during an earthquake with some orphans and a drug lord in Colombia…

Have you met a backpacker douchebag on your travels? Tell us about it in the comments.

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Thanks to

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